Overheard

I know. This is annoying and kind of a little rude — my once-a-week post asking you to go to another site to read my post. Especially considering there are so many other bloggers doing this once-a-day NaNoo-NaNooBloMe thing. But if I write everyday I might bore you to tears, so you should really be thanking me. (You’re welcome.)

Now go click on my Parenting post. Because I’m rude like that.

Today: some of the funny statements heard around here lately. They’re our kids so of course we think they are funny. Well whaddya want… We’re parents. Our entertainment has been scaled down to reality TV and the humor of a couple of 3-year-olds. Give us a break.

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Halloween 2007

C0mcast and I… we are on the verge of a break-up. I’m sure my account is flagged as PAIN IN THE ASS CUSTOMER. But what am I supposed to do without a connection? READ or something?

Anyway…

Costumes. This is part of what I’ve been working on lately. Maybe I should thank Crapcast for not letting me get online so that I had time to finish this thing.

It was a little over my head, but I got it done — finally. And it’s nothing I want to ever attempt again. Let me just tell you: Bean had her own little sweatshop going on here.

To see more of the twins’ costumes (and to see past ridiculous costumes) click here to go to my Parenting post.

I’ve made their costumes in the past, but this year I only made Bean’s. I’m slowly weaning myself. Next year hopefully they will both choose to be some commercialized character that comes with its own itchy polyester manufactured costume. The most I will have to do is rip open a package.

I tried to avoid the making of the costume. I searched and searched for a Hello Kitty costume. Called our local Sanrio store. Looked everywhere online. Oh — there are Hello Kitty costumes. Weird ones:
What kind of scary Hello Kitty is that? I’m not even sure what is going on. Those pants are thick heavy fur. The headdress alone was enough to give me nightmares. That is so not a Japanese-made costume.

Then there was this one… I mentally measured Bean’s head and considered getting this for her, then contemplated sewing a similar costume, but G thought this cat looked nothing like Hello Kitty. And if a WHITE CAT can’t pull this off, well…

I could have gone this route, but C-Diddy, Air Guitar Champion of 2003, is really the only one who can rock the Hello Kitty breastplate. Okay, okay… I didn’t really consider putting a breastplate on Bean, but I went to high school with C-Diddy so I’m putting a little plug in for him and his movie.

There were plastic masks on ebay, similar to the ones we wore as kids. Remember? When Halloween costumes came in flimsy boxes with cellophane covers, and the masks had sharp edges that always scratched up your face? I couldn’t bear to put that on Bean either.

Plus, I like to make things difficult for myself. So sculpt (and sand, paint, repeat) I did.

The day before Halloween, their teacher handed me a slip of paper with instructions for the party the next day. Number three on the list? No masks or weapons please.

Perfect.

Halloween Costumes

I knew it would happen. I knew eventually I would have to let the kids choose their own Halloween costumes. I was hoping I could get away with one more year of parental control. Alas, I had to give it up once they noticed me shopping online without them. (Damn, my window-hiding mouse finger just isn’t as quick as it used to be when I was working in an office!)

Click here to read one of our costume-choosing conversations. I say ONE because… well… it’s never that simple.

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P.S. I really am going to post more soon. Hopefully once Halloween is over and once some other (paying) projects are complete. There are some questions to answer! (Jenn, I will answer, I swear!)

Brave New Web

Today at Parenting: Brave New Web.

Boy I’ve been slacking on blogging lately. I figured I should write about where I’ve been lately… And in case you didn’t read it before, I’ve been Facebooking.

As much as I love Facebook and the Internet, technology scares me. I worry it will be one of the wedges in my future relationship with my kids. For example, when I have to call them and ask them how the hell to turn on whatever futuristic gadget they have gifted us and then demand to know why I need it. And start every sentence with, “You know, back when I was your age…” etc.

At what age will I be over the learning curve hill? Is it going to be apparent when they know more about technology than I do?

Click here to read more.

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Twins. People. Stupid.

Over at Parenting today: Twins Make People Stupid. (I know… clever title.)

This is moi sharing with vous some of the funny (okay, stupid) things people have said to us… Like asking if our boy/girl twins are identical. If you don’t know why that is funny (or stupid), you might want to go over and read. (I’m not sure why I’m mixing French in there, except that I don’t necessarily exclude myself from this stupidity so maybe I’m trying to sound smart.)

Click here to read. Stupid is as stupid does.

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Bean, The Teen

Today on Parenting: Three-Going-On-Teenager:

Anyone else have a three-year-old hitting puberty? 

Click here to read.

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Addicted

Me: Hello. My name is Janet. I’m a Facebook-aholic.
Other Pathetic Addicts: Hello, Janet.


Linked In, MySpace… thou art so lame in comparison (okay, LinkedIn is cool if you are actually looking for a job and trying to be all serious or something).

One of my Facebook friends has 340+ friends. Wha–? I think I’m at my max at 21 (ooh, another request just came in — 22). One of my other friends is friends with Gavin Newsom (whom, incidentally, I met at her 30th birthday party). I know this because I’m hunting down other people I may know like I’m a 17-year-old loser sitting in my parents’ basement on a Friday night.

I love seeing the groups others belong to; e.g.: I hate the Colts and Peyton Manning more than anything else in the world, and I’m a Bostonian and I’ve seen the guy on the bike who makes the siren noise, and Unlike 99.99% of the Facebook population, I was born in the 70s.

Awesome.

I want to alter how I met everyone to “We hooked up…” so that everyone thinks I’m a big slut. And, so G doesn’t know if I really did hook up with them or not. (JUST KIDDING, G!)

Are you on Facebook? If so, call me… (or poke me. As Michael Scott says: Whatevs.)

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New post on Parenting up, about our decision to move to Chicago. Or move to a city. Or move out of the suburbs. Or all of the above.

Click here to read.

Miscellaneous Parenting

I seem to have fooled everyone into thinking I’m some kind of rational being. Ha. Ha ha ha.

The truth is that I have quite a temper. I’ve always been pretty over-reactive and gotten into way too many unnecessary arguments. So what’s changed?

I’m too tired. Whether it’s to care or to put up a fight, I don’t even know. Okay, maybe I’ve matured a bit. Mostly, I think I just want to be someone my kids respect. I mean, who doesn’t?

However, it doesn’t mean my temper doesn’t spill out on occasion. Probably too many occasions. And then I worry that my kids do what I tell them not because they respect me, but because they are scared of me. In reality, it’s probably a little of both. It kills me to admit that, but it’s probably true.

So, I just continue to work on it. And apologize to them when it rears its ugly head. Hopefully at the very least they’ll learn that I’m trying my best, but I have many faults.

As for dealing with the teacher… it’s still early in the school year. I suspect this won’t be my last serious-issue conversation with her. I needed to start on the right foot with her.

Still, I now know why my mom would stay up worrying about us all the time. I always thought it was silly, but wow — I’ve had a few restless nights over this punching and the (seemingly) planned attack. As Mama Nabi said, That’s some fucked up kid mafia shit. Yup. Yup it is. And LMKR (and truthfully, her parents too) is still on my suspicious-as-shit list.

However. I’ll behave. For now. But if it happens again, I’ll probably go a little apeshit. Just call me Bruce Banner.

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Ok, to further prove that I know the Beanster is not a perfect child… I’m not sure what is going on with her but she has been having a lot of mini-breakdowns. Fake crying when she doesn’t get her way. The girl has got her acting on. And it developed before school started so as much as I would like to blame someone else, I really can’t.

I did speak with the teacher about it. She is definitely asserting this defiance at school as well. The teacher thought maybe she was trying to define herself differently from Buddy and test her boundaries. Didn’t we go through this already, at two?

I’m not sure if she’s tired, needing more attention, going through a phase, testing us, all of the above…? She seems to have a lot of pent-up emotion, so when she gets upset I try and talk to her about what she is upset about, but it seems to be about more than whatever little thing it is — something that she used to handle with no problem in the past. So I tell her to cry and let it out, and she does. Then she asks to go to bed, because this exhausts her. A little while later, she emerges with a smile on her face and tells me she feels better.

The mood swings! Holy crap. I thought I had a few more years until this girl turned exactly into me.

Fucking karma.

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Every night, we ask the kids how school was and what they did that day. We get a lot of shrugs and raised hands and “I don’t knows” and “Nothings.”

Hello? When did they turn into teenagers?

I need to research the Montessori materials so we can start asking them specifically about their day. Anyone have any online resources?

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Finally, I have a post up on Parenting. To go with my theme of the week, it’s long as shit so proceed with caution (if you choose). It’s about familial traditions. Click here to read.

Questions

Today on Parenting: Questions/Quiz.

Life has been crazy lately. A trip, then work, then more work… I’m hoping to catch up to my Google Reader later this week. Anyway, my weekly post is up on Parenting with some questions:

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1. If, while in a restaurant, your child has snot blockage setting up house in their nose, causing them to nasal-whistle and speak like Elmer Fudd despite not having a cold, do you:

a) Leave it and let said blockage catch flies and have a party until it leaves on its own?

b) Let child pick it out on his own?

c) Lean child back, perform remedial surgery with any available tools, and ignore surrounding public/waitstaff/poor customers just trying to enjoy their food as you pull Titanic-sized carnage from child’s nostril?

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Click here to read more.

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ESPN Guide To Parenting

Today on Parenting: My ESPN Guide To Parenting.

Don’t let this fool you. I’m not a sports person. But I guess I’ve managed to retain some of it over the years, trying to date nerds but somehow ending up with athletes. Give me a whistle and a scoreboard and our house could be an ESPN reality show.

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Assign Numbers To Each Child. Their ‘lucky number’ may come in more useful than you think, especially in moments of indecisiveness. In our case, Bean has claimed 5, while Buddy has claimed 6. This is directly related to their pull-up sizes, which in essence kills two birds with one stone, since they now have pre-printed uniforms.

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Click here to read more.

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Updated Résumé

Today on Parenting: My updated résumé.

…
2004-Present
MOM/MOMMY, Mother to Bean & Buddy and Co-President of Our Household Inc.
• Played key role in conception of twins.
• Incubated for 36 weeks while effectively combating nausea and nonstop hiccups and fights in utero.
• Strategically gained 45 lbs. by eating while sitting on swollen buttocks.
…

Read the rest here.


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By the way, in regards to POWN from the biz meeting video:

pown
A misspelling of the word “PWN” which is a misspelling of “own”.
The act of Power-Owning someone.
• “You got pOWNED little kitty”

[Courtesy of Urban Dictionary]

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Let’s Talk About Race, Baby

Today's topic: race.

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My parents, who came to America from Korea in their 20s, owned a jewelry store. As a kid, I spent much of my time there helping out. One day, two teenage girls were browsing the display cases. They wasted my time asking to look at this and that, and I obliged because that was my job. At one point one of the girls fiddled with her bracelet and accidentally dropped it in the crack between two display cases. I told her to hold on, and asked my Dad if he had something long with which to it fish it out. He walked back over to the girls to take a look, and then asked them something I did not hear as I searched for a rescue tool.

One of them answered, “Ching chong chong chong?” They looked at each other and laughed hysterically.

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Click here to read more.

It felt cathartic writing it (and a bit emotional so excuse the incoherence), but felt a little weird posting it on Parenting as opposed to Kimchi Mamas. I’m feeling a little bit exposed there as opposed to the safe havens that are Kimchi Mamas and this blog.

However, I suspect part of the reason I was hired in the first place was because of my minority status. So… there it is. My token post about race.

Operation Nutsoff From G’s POV

G has graciously offered to guest blog for me over on Parenting today:

I am a total sap. Once, at the end of a horrible Jennifer Aniston movie, Halfmama turned to tell me what a horrible movie that was and found tears running down my blubbering face. I have internal debates over whether Four Weddings and a Funeral was better than Notting Hill (no, it's not). And when I’m out for a walk and see a new mother or father of newborn twins, I forget the sleepless nights trying to get two screaming blobs to burp for hours on end and just think to myself dreamily, “Awww, they must smell soooo good.” …

Click here to read more about Decision ’o7: Operation Nutsoff. Read also about how he is a total sap. Which would be really sweet if I wasn’t so cynical.

(I’m just kidding. He rocks my world.)

Today

I have a post over on Parenting today about teachers that I’m supposed to be promoting so here is the link.

However, right now I’m more concerned about a few Kimchi Mamas and their families who live in MN. Mama Nabi, Kyong, and Jae Ran (who I believe is still travelling right now but hopefully does not have any family involved in this horrible tragedy): I hope you and your families are all right. Please check in when you can.

EDITED TO ADD: They are all fine!! :)

A Step-by-Step Guide to Remembering Why You Had Kids

I’m over here today with a recap of our Saturday. Poor G had to deal with a vomiting spouse, then a vomiting child this past week.

I know, he’s so lucky it’s a wonder he doesn’t have a parade showing his appreciation.

Read here. Thanks!

Overheard in B & B Land

Yes, it’s Thursday. I’m at Parenting.

Today: Overheard in Bean & Buddy Land
(aka Some Of The Funny Things They Have Said)
To be entirely confused with Overheard in NY/etc.

A sampling:

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…And Proud Of It, Dammit!

Me: Look at the dog! Isn’t he beautiful?
Buddy: Ooh… It’s black! It’s black!
Me: Yup. It’s black.
Buddy: I’m not black. I’m brown!
Me: Um, okay… [?]
Bean: And I’m not black! I’m yellow.

– Chicago, walking behind, yes, a black dog

Overheard by: I swear I didn’t teach them any of that
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More Overheard in B & B Land here.

APG

Today at Parenting: my fascination with APG (Alpha Playground Girl). You know what I’m talking about, right? The Alpha Kids we’ve all known at some point in our lives. Or maybe once were at some point in our lives. (I was more of a Sidekick/Beta or Omega Kid myself.)

There are also some random photos of the twins' odd fashion choices. They are in context. (Sort of kind of.) Really.

Join me over there today! Thanks.

Fat-Bottomed Kids

Today’s post topic at Parenting: my heavier-than-normal kids. Yes folks, according to the pediatrician, the twins are officially not skinny.

Silly? Yeah, I think so. I mean, we’re not entering them in any boxing matches. Nor are they in training to be the next Kobayashi (next year Kobayashi, next year!). But at three-years-old, I guess their BMI is of some importance. For some reason. Not understood by me. Since I think they look normal. But what do I know?

I’m over here. Come on over!

Beanie Boop

I’m over at Parenting today, talking about The Bean. Apparently she has decided to skip childhood and head straight for tween-dom, for she’s crushing on our studly friend. It’s a little bit scary witnessing Girlfriend’s advanced flirting skillz since, you know, she’s THREE-YEARS-OLD.

Tomorrow she’ll be asking for a later curfew and trying to sneak through the back door. So. Not. Ready.

Please join me over there.

Btw, Parenting is hosting a Baby’s Silliest Moment Video Contest. Winner takes home 500 bones. Now I know y’all have some of the funniest, silliest, adorablest kids of all Internetland. So go forth and exploit them; fulfill your aspirations of becoming a stage parent. If that doesn’t do it for you, just do it to win the $500. Good luck! And if you win, you owe me a latte. Or a car. You choose.

Views

Over here today. To supplement my Dear AC post (obviously still on my mind) I wrote about the differences in all of us and, more importantly (to me anyway) how this subject pertains to our twins. I know… I don’t tend to let go of things easily. I’m a begrudging, petty kind of person, I admit it.

I know the ACs of this world will always have something to say because, as Dave said, they have time to kill, but I will continue doing my small part holding their foreheads while they try and swat swat swat me with their short, funny little arms. (My brother taught me that one. And he was right—when you’re on the other side, it’s kind of a lot of fun. See? That’s me. Being petty. Hi!)

Please join me over there if you care to. Thanks!